Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Focus, focus, focus

I’ve been having trouble staying focused lately. This morning I text messaged myself just to see if I was paying attention. I wasn’t. The message came across within 30 seconds. I felt the vibration in my pocket, frantically fumbled for the phone, flipped the screen up and peered anxiously at it with hopes it was that important announcement from the Kenyan Vice-President of Finance I was waiting for. Instead, I’m staring at a screen reading: TEST – FROM ME TO ME – IN CASE YOU FORGOT, I SENT THIS 30 SECONDS AGO. I blinked, then heard a soft ‘pop’ from somewhere inside my left ear that I sensed was the simultaneous misfiring of 50 million neurons. I mean it could have been that trapped bathwater that’s been sloshing around my inner ear for the past two weeks, but I chose to connect it somehow to something much more serious. You see – it’s what I do. I take a simple, temporary lack of concentration and turn it into Acute Peripheral Neuropathy.

Want another example? Two years ago I noticed that the outside of my right big toe was going numb. I looked up “numb toe” on Google, and the first thing I saw was:

Toe numbness – Multiple Sclerosis

List of 17 disease causes of Toe numbness, 11 drug side effect causes. Analysis of diagnostic tests, doctor questions, and related signs or symptoms for Toe ...
www.youstupidhypochondriac.com - 34k - Cached - Similar pages

So, for the next couple of weeks I started getting my affairs in order, paying more attention to my kids, being a terrific father – you know – acting odd. When I asked my doctor about this he rolled his eyes. . .he always rolls his eyes at me. . . then told me that my shoes were too tight and sent me home. Anyway, with his suggestion I bought bigger shoes which flopped around on my feet so much that eventually I developed plantar fasciitis. So, today my toe is still numb and I have pronounced pain in my arch with each step from wearing poorly prescribed, ill-fitting shoes!

Now. . .what was I talking about?